No One To Blame But You take two
by Salix15
Summary: Ohkay, so the first version of this story is sad, and doesn't have a happy ending. People whined, and I'm a sucker for a cute blonde, so here's the story with an alternate happy ending. Enjoy.


Faith pulls out her lighter, and cups her hand around the tip of her cigarette to protect the flame from the breeze making its way lazily through the night. She strongly pulls in the first drag, and closes her eyes as the familiar sensation makes its way down her throat and into her lungs. She's breaking the promise to herself to quit smoking. The way sees it being a slayer is going to kill her eventually, why speed up the process? But she really needs a cigarette right now.

She looks down at her feet, toenails painted 'raven black', and dangling over the edge of the windowsill. This is where she comes when she needs to think. She sits down on the sill, legs hanging limply, and she just sits and stares at the people walking below her on the sidewalk. She's never sat on this sill before. She's been all over America and has stayed in all sorts of motels, and whenever she needs to think the sill is the first place she goes. Some people have looked up at her and made a comment about a hot girl sitting at the window, but for the most part she goes unnoticed, and that's how she likes it. She doesn't want to be noticed because it takes away the feeling of not really being here.

This particular place will never be the same though, and she knows that. 'It's all that bitch's fault,' she thinks and lightly taps the butt of the cigarette with her thumb, causing the ash to fall the three stories down to the sidewalk. Suicide sometimes crosses her mind when she sits here. But a fall from this height would only piss her off. It wouldn't kill her unless she landed on her head, and even then her chances of living are strong. Being a slayer means she's more resistant to injury then others.

At least injuries of a physical nature. Right now there's nothing to protect her from the onslaught of emotions wreaking havoc on her. Not even the nicotine is helping with the pain, and the stress. But mostly it's the feeling of being betrayed. She knows it doesn't belong there. It has no business coming into her shit and fucking it up. But it's here and it's not going anywhere. She hasn't been in a relationship since she dated that drummer back when she was a teenager. It was just a few years ago, but it feels like a life time ago. She chuckles a little bit as she remembers the look on his face when she called it quits.

The smile goes away when she realizes that the look on his face that afternoon was the same one she was wearing last night. It's a look that screams nothing but 'how could you do this to me?' He wore it for different reasons and she knows that. Kenny always thought he was such a hot shot, that his shit smelt better then everyone else's and for a little southie to dump him like he's just another guy? It was insanity at its finest. His look was followed by, "Fuck you whore! Get your skank ass outta my house!" 'Dream on asshole, that was your parents' basement,' she thinks and takes another very slow drag.

The tears well up in her eyes for the tenth time when she thinks about what followed her look the other night. It wasn't an angry shout, or an insult. It was confusion, and an ache that set up residence in her chest and hasn't gone away. 'Here's hopin it's just cancer,' she thinks with a little smile and slowly blows the smoke out into the night. She knows it isn't lung cancer, however. That would be too easy. At least you have hope when you have cancer. You have doctors giving you estimations about how long it's going to take you to get better. She has nothing for this. She's all on her own.

She feels the little drops slowly snaking their way down her face as she thinks back to the months that followed the fall of Sunnydale. Things had been so simple back then. Giles and the others were rebuilding the Council, and the core scooby members took off in all different directions to finally live their lives the way they wanted. Willow's spell activated enough slayers that Buffy would never have to pick up a stake again. And that was the plan. 'Yeah, and that lasted really long,' she thinks bitterly and wipes at her tears. 'Fuckin blondes can't make up their minds worth shit.'

Buffy and Dawn moved to Italy after a little rest in LA where they caught their breath. They stayed in LA for a month or so and when they decided Italy was where they wanted to be they were gone. They hugged their friends goodbye and took off. They caught a red eye to New York, and from there they made their way across the pond. Then Willow and Kennedy left for Brazil, and then Xander left for Cleveland, and then Faith took off. She jumped on the Ninja Angel bought her as a thank you gift for saving his life, and she rode off into the sunset.

She wasn't heard from for months and everyone thought she was doing her usual thing, whatever that was. She needed to find redemption on her own terms, and that wouldn't have been possible with Giles giving her assignments like he was with everyone else who stuck around. For awhile she traveled from city to city fighting the bad guys, earning her money from stealing from the vampires before she dusted them. It's not like a pile of dust is going to need fifty dollars, so why not use that to help pay for the bill at the motel she was staying at, or buy gas for her bike? It's not like motorcycles run on lollipops and rainbows.

It certainly wasn't a glamorous lifestyle but it worked for her. The only person she ever kept in touch with was Angel, and she asked him to keep the conversations private. For reasons known only to her, she didn't want anyone finding out what she was doing. It was almost like if the others knew how hard she was working to make things right then it would cheapen it for her. Aside from that things were going ok. She was content with the way things were, happy that she was the only one she needed to look after. And then the dreams started.

It was almost as if the powers were teasing her. The first dream happened on Christmas night. The first Christmas after the crater formally known as Sunnydale came into existence. She had checked herself into a motel 6, and was tired after a long day on the road. She never knew Texas could be so cold, especially at night, and all she could think about was getting out of the tight pants, and top, and crawling under the covers. That's exactly what she did, and as she drifted off to sleep she wished herself a merry Christmas.

She didn't dream the usual stuff. She didn't see her stake go into Alan Finch's chest in slow motion. She didn't feel the depression of the ribs giving way, or hear the crack of them snapping. No, what she heard was the sound of laughter. It startled her and she realized right away that it wasn't a normal dream. It was one of the shared 'slayer dreams' that she would sometimes have with Buffy. The last one was back in Sunnydale when she fell into a coma. She was surprised to be having one, although it wasn't unwelcome.

When she turned her head towards the laughter she saw Buffy sitting on a couch, watching TV and laughing a nice hard belly laugh. She looked as beautiful as Faith remembered, and the smell of roses filled the room. She walked over and sat down on the couch next to the other girl, and she started laughing right along with her as if she was in on the joke. It went on like that for what felt like forever, and by the time they were finished Faith felt like she would never be able to breathe again. But then Buffy looked at her, really looked at her, as if she was searching for something.

"Faith, I miss you," she said and Faith looked so surprised. She had no idea how to respond to that. She didn't think the other slayer was thinking about her at all, let alone missing her. There was no much animosity between them in the past Faith thought she was long forgotten by all of the scooby members. She involuntarily sucked in a deep breath and held it when she saw Buffy lean forward. She watched as the petite blonde got closer, and closer, and right before they touched Faith closed her eyes.

The kiss was soft, and sweet, and it was possibly the greatest thing Faith had ever felt. For some reason the kiss reminded her of waking up on a warm summer's day when the sheets were nice and toasty because of the sun shining in through the window, and all you wanted to do was stay in bed nestled against the soft sheets. It also sparked something else in her, something that she had felt before but had forced down into the recesses of her mind. Like a train coming at her full speed all of the love she'd been harboring for the woman kissing her slammed into her conscious mind.

The wave of emotion caused her to pull back, panting roughly despite the calm nature of the kiss, and she looked into the smiling eyes of Buffy Summers. Suddenly, and out of nowhere, she wanted it all. She wanted the other woman like she's never wanted anyone before. She wanted her body, to worship it, to own it, to fuck it until there was nothing left to give. She wanted her heart. She wanted to be the only person this woman will ever love again. She wanted to move in with her, and wake up with her on the warm summer days and just stay in bed all day nestled together under the toasty blankets.

But even more importantly then wanting to take, she wanted to give. She wanted to give herself to the petite blonde. She wanted Buffy to not only have her body, and her heart, but she wanted to give the other woman her soul. She wanted to come home every night to this woman, and give her a kiss on the lips and tell her exactly how much she's in love with her. She wanted it all, and the desire to open her mouth and scream it at the top of her lungs was almost overwhelming, but she kept her mouth shut. Instead of telling the other just how much she loves her, she smiled a sweet smile, and gave her a little peck on the lips.

"I miss you too, B," she said, and in the blink of an eye she was ripped out of the dream and thrown back into consciousness. She was a little confused to say the least. And that feeling, that raging, burning, all consuming feeling that was awakened was still there. It put a pressure on her chest, and it took her a few minutes to slow her breathing. She rolled over onto her back, and stared up at the ceiling. Her lips were still tingling from the kiss, and she could still smell Buffy's lip gloss, although she knew she wouldn't be able to taste it. She slowly brought her hand up to her face, and gently ran her fingers across her lips. She swore she could still feel those soft lips that tasted like peaches.

"Ow, fuck!" she yells and shakes her hand. She got so caught up in remembering that first dream, that she didn't pay attention to the cigarette in her hand, and smoldered down as far as it could go and burnt her fingers. She instinctively brings the injured parts up to her mouth and slightly sucks on them to make the pain go away. She turns around and hops off the windowsill. There's no point sitting there anymore. It isn't going to calm her down. Nothing could calm her down, or make her feel any better. She had been metaphorically bitch slapped in the face, and now it feels like her insides are being ripped out one organ at a time.

She opens her fridge and takes a look inside. There isn't much since she's only been here for one day. There's some beer, ketchup, mustard, and hotdogs that have gone way passed their prime. She sighs, and grabs one of the beers. She walks into the sparse living room and plops down on the couch. She pops the top of the can, and gulps down three large swallows. She knows this isn't going to be enough to relax her. She's going to need a lot more then this to get anywhere near relaxed tonight. She starts to zone out, staring at a little spot on the wall right above the TV. She doesn't stop her mind from wandering back to when things were so much better then what she's feeling right now.

The first dream was a welcomed break from her routine, and it reminded her of the real reason she goes out every night and risks her life. A big part of it is the fact that she was chosen to do this, but an even bigger part is because of Buffy. She'd given up on trying to compete with the other woman. It isn't about trying to be better. It's about killing the latest threat before he gets ideas of world domination. Maybe if she can kill them before they get too strong then Buffy can relax instead of worrying about the next big bad.

Since the first dream occurred the previous night she definitely wasn't expecting another slayer dream when she fell asleep that night. She was definitely surprised when she was aware of everything around her, and everything was screaming Buffy Summers. Her senses were pummeled with the smell of Buffy's perfume, the sight of a bedroom that she just knew as the blonde's because she knew the blonde better then everyone thought she did. The warm, rich colors, the daisies in the little baby blue vases, and the paintings of what looked like an Italian village all reminded Faith of the other slayer.

It wasn't just the smell, and the sights that screamed 'I'm in Buffy's room' but it was the warm body lying next to her under the silky sheets of the heavenly comfortable bed. As soon as she became aware of the texture against her skin she noticed she was in nothing more then a pair of panties and a bra. She couldn't help the huge smile break out on her face when she heard the angelic giggling of the other woman. She rolled over and laid on her other side so she could see the other slayer.

"So is this your dream or mine?" Faith asked and she forced herself to not lift up the covers to see if the little blonde was almost naked. She didn't want to seem like a perv, but just the thought of an almost nude Buffy got Faith a little hot under the collar. To her shock the innocent looking blonde lifted up the blankets and took a long look at both of their semi-nude bodies. Faith couldn't help but sneak a peak and her eyes widened at the sight of the blonde in the sexy light blue underwear.

"I think this is my dream but you put your own little twist on it," Buffy said and dropped the blankets. To the brunette's surprise Buffy didn't become uncomfortable, or freak out because of their mutual almost nakedness. In fact, all she did was snuggle into her pillow, and adjust her body into a more comfortable position. She looked into Faith's dark eyes and smiled a gentle smile. "I have to admit I've always liked you in red." That little remark made Faith's eyes bug out a little.

"Wow, Twinkie, I never thought I'd see the day but you finally got that stick outta your ass." They both laughed a little, but they soon quieted down. A soft breeze blew in through the opened window, and Faith felt like she had died and gone to heaven. "Gotta say this really isn't how I pictured us in bed." Ow the other woman's hazel eyes bugged out and Faith gave her shoulder a little shove. "Don't even try and act like that, princess. I was in fuckin love with you and you know it." She made that past tense on purpose. "Why do you think I shot Angel with a poisoned arrow? I'm a perfect shot, I coulda dropped his ass from even farther away, but I wanted him to suffer 'cause he took you away from me."

"That is so not what happened," Buffy said, and she sounded a little defensive. Faith got an annoyed look on her face and tried her best to keep her cool. "You killed the deputy mayor, and then you went evil. And besides, I'm strictly hetero so it doesn't matter." Faith snorted at that last comment. She couldn't help herself. Buffy could be so dumb sometimes. Right now was one of those times.

"What-the-fuck-ever, B. Everything was cool between us until Angel came back. I got over that you kept him a secret, I was pissed but I got it. After that though you started hangin with him more and you left me in the dust. I hated him for that, and he knew it too. I made him jealous as much as I could. Why do you think I'd wrap my arm around you whenever we'd leave for patrol and he was around?" She watched Buffy's face very closely and she could practically see the wheels turning inside her little head.

"I guess you're right." Faith swore she could hear hell freeze over at those words. She wanted to throw a fist in the air and let out a holler but she didn't want to look retarded so she kept the joy bottled up inside. "It wouldn't have mattered if he never came back. I'm straight." She sounded like she was trying to convince herself more then the other woman. Faith let out a little sigh, and shifted so she was laying a little closer to the blonde. She could feel the body head radiating off of the petite woman.

"I really don't think you are, B. Remember last time? Us sitting on the couch laughin our asses off, and then you kissed me. That doesn't exactly scream heterosexual. I think that's why we're here, B." She smiled when Buffy's eyebrows furrowed in that cute way when she's confused. "I was honest with you about the Angel thing. Now it's your turn to be honest with me, and yourself." 'When the fuck did I get so insightful?' she thought. Buffy didn't say anything for what felt like hours. Even though she wanted to say something Faith stayed quiet. She very slowly felt around under the covers until she found the other woman's hand.

"I don't…" she started but then she trailed off. Faith felt Buffy tighten her grip on her hand and she had to force herself not to smile. She squeezed back to let the other woman know that she would wait as long as she needed. "I don't know what to say." She looked away, staring down at the blanket with ashamed eyes. Faith took the comforting to the next level. She very slowly moved towards the other slayer until they were only inches apart. She brought her free hand up to Buffy's face and lightly caressed her cheek.

"Just tell me the truth," Faith whispered. Buffy leaned into her soft touch and Faith wanted nothing more then to chase away the space between them and kiss her. Not a hungry 'I want you now' kiss even though it was true. No, she wanted a slow, sensual 'I love you, just take your time' kiss. She knew that wouldn't help though so she stayed where she was. She watched as Buffy's soft features hardened a little.

"The truth? Right, ok," she said and started looking at everything but Faith. She knew that the blonde was nervous, it was coming off of her in waves, but there was nothing more she could do to comfort her. "The truth is I hated you." Faith tried as hard as she could not to react, but she did cringe at Buffy's words. "I couldn't stop thinking about you, talking about you, and it drove Willow and Xander a little crazy. I wanted to be with you all the time, and I didn't know why.

"I clung onto Angel so tightly because it felt safe. Things with him were…simpler. We couldn't sleep together no matter what, and yeah it complicated things, but with you things were so…unpredictable. I really liked that about you but it scared the shit out of me. I never really knew how to act around you, but I still felt like we were getting closer. And then you went to the mayor. You tried to kill my friends, and you tried to kill Angel, and I hated you." Faith cringed again at the word 'hate'.

"When I put you in that coma I thought we were even. You tried to kill my friends and I almost killed you to save Angel. When the hospital called and said you were gone I wanted to find you to make sure you were ok. I didn't want to hurt you. But you were so angry, and I didn't know how to get you to listen. When you went after my mom I started hating you again. I hated you so much. And when you took my body I was pissed enough to kill. But then the Council guys came and treated me, well you, worst then shit. I got to see what it was like to be you, and I was so…sad." Faith looked into Buffy's eyes. She was shocked and a little confused.

"After the thing in LA I just wanted to forget all about you. So I focused on everything else. Since I'm being honest I might as well say that I didn't give you anything thought until Willow called and said she was bringing you back to Sunnydale. When I saw you in the cemetery fighting Spike I saw how much you changed. You weren't that out of control teenager, or the evil bitch who tried to steal my identity. I had to test it though. So I hit you." Faith smiled at the memory, and she and Buffy shared a laugh. "When you didn't freak out and try to kill me that's when I finally realized that I have feelings for you."

Faith wasn't very surprised by that. It was very obvious that's where the speech was going. She was really glad to hear it though. Buffy freaking Summers just admitted she had feelings for her. That day should've been declared a national holiday. She didn't say anything because she was afraid of scaring Buffy off. Instead of saying a word, she brought her hand down from the other woman's face and gently rubbed her shoulder. She hoped it conveyed her message, and she smiled a little when Buffy relaxed at the touch.

"Even though I had feelings I was still a little mad at you. I was mad because I thought I should be mad after everything that happened. And then I saw you in the basement smoking with Spike. I got jealous, and I tried really hard to convince myself that I was jealous because you were making bedroom eyes at him." Faith couldn't help but laugh a little at the bedroom eyes part. She'd never heard it put that way before. Buffy smiled for a fraction of a second and then she became serious again.

"I wasn't jealous that you were looking at him like that. I was jealous because you weren't looking at me like that. I knew I should've talked to someone about it, Willow definitely would've listened and helped as much as possible, but I did what I always do when things get complicated: I ignored it and focused on other things. I was going to tell you the day the bomb went off and I came back. I was so afraid you were going to die that I had to say something. But then you told me you slept with Robin and I shut down again. In my mind it just proved that you didn't want me." Faith couldn't keep quiet any longer. Buffy had tears in her eyes and her ears were turning a little red.

"You don't get it," she said and gently turned Buffy's chin with her thumb and forefinger until those hazel eyes rimmed with red were looking into her own. "I slept with him because I was afraid. I wasn't used to being the leader, I knew some of those girls were gonna die and it scared the shit out of me. He was just a distraction, B, that's all." She got a playful smile on her face then, and a mischievous look in her eyes. "Besides I was thinking about you the whole time." Buffy's eyes grew to twice their normal size. "Boy has skills and all but it wasn't enough. Nobody's been enough on their own. Least not since I met you."

A comfortable silence fell over them, and they looked deeply into each other's eyes. Buffy looked very surprised to say the least, but Faith looked relaxed and calm. She wasn't worried about the consequences her words would cause. She figured this honesty would either make or break their friendship. Either Buffy would accept the truth and be ok with it, or she would run away from it and push Faith away. When Buffy let out a little chuckle the tension that had been building vanished and they both completely relaxed.

"So is this like, the power's version of a wet dream? Is that why we're in nothing but our underwear?" Buffy asked and they both started laughing deep belly laughs like they had in the previous dream. Then the room seemed to shift for just a second, and for that one second they weren't in Buffy's bedroom in her heavenly comfortable bed. They were in Faith's motel room and Buffy got a glimpse of everything before their surroundings settled and they were back in her room. They weren't laughing anymore, and Buffy looked a little sad. "You really have changed. You never used to let them spend the night before." A look of shame washed over Faith's face and she couldn't hold Buffy's sad gaze.

"He said he's just passing through town, and I thought I'd save him the money. He's a demon hunter or whatever you wanna call it. He saw three vamps attack me in an alley and he thought I needed saving. We started talking, and he pretty cool for a guy that wears Birkenstocks. Things got heated, and we ended up at my place. You know how it is." That truth didn't feel liberating. It felt dirty, and it made Faith's skin crawl. She didn't want Buffy to se that side of her. She didn't want the other woman to see exactly how unclean she was. IT was her turn to have her chin tilted upward, and even though she struggled a little Buffy's gentle coaxing beat the want to hide.

"I do know how it is." She was very surprised to hear the blonde say that. "Back in Sunnydale, before I got better, I told myself every night I wasn't going to let Spike touch me, and every night I let him. You have a need for something sometimes you can't help but try and fulfill it. I gave into it because I was weak. You give in because you're honest. None of the guys you sleep with think it's goin anywhere, right?" Faith shook her head no and she tired to look away but Buffy's wouldn't let her. "That's not a bad thing, Faith. You don't lie to get your way, or let someone think they're getting more then they are. Everybody needs sex. Most people just suppress it under lots of cake and Oreo's." Faith couldn't help the laugh that escaped her throat, or the tear that trickled down her face.

"I'll write you a letter," Faith said when she started to feel her mind being pulled back to the land of the awake. "I'll tell you a little about what I've been doing since LA." Without hesitation she leaned in and placed a kiss on Buffy's lips. The kiss was returned with just as much enthusiasm. She didn't stop kissing Buffy even when it felt like her lungs were going to explode. The next thing she knew she was in her motel room, and it was morning. When she looked over towards the other side of the bed she saw that Nathan the demon hunter was gone, and she felt cold.

"Well I wonder who the fuck that is," Faith says when she hears a knock on the front door. She doesn't really have to wonder because she can feel the unique slayer connection that she only shares with the other 'original slayer'. She chugs the rest of her beer, and then throws the can into the trash. She smiles a little as it goes in perfectly. Sometimes being a slayer has its benefits. Her ability to beat 'normal' people at sports and dumb little contests like that is definitely one of them. She rolls her eyes when the knocking starts up again, but she ignores it. Buffy forgot all about her, maybe it's time she forgets all about Buffy.

"Faith, please open the door. We need to talk about this," the other slayer's muffled voice sounds strained, and it has a little bit of a tremble to it. 'She's been cryin? This is just priceless. What the fuck does she have to be cryin about?' she thinks and walks back into the kitchen. She pulls out another beer, and chugs it all down in one go. Maybe if she drinks enough this horrible pain in her chest will be numb for at least a little while. "Faith please let me in. Please? Please, don't freeze me out." 'The one thing I hate more then a homophobic is a hypocrite. At least homophobes are honest.'

The pounding on her door doesn't let up, and she's starting to get really irritated. 'Didn't that bitch do enough? Now she's gotta come rub it in my face?' she thinks as she walks over towards the door. If Buffy wants to talk then Faith will talk. Well, no she won't talk. But she'll scream and yell and call her every horrible name that she can think of. And then maybe this pain will go away because she's smart enough to know that no amount of alcohol will do the trick, at least not without killing her. She unlocks the door and throws it open. Seeing the blonde standing there, tears streaming down her face, and her lips trembling does nothing but make her feel worst.

"Just let me explain. You didn't give me a chance to explain, you just took off. I know you have every right to be pissed, but you have to listen to me." Faith wants to laugh at how desperate Buffy sounds. She wants to slap her across the face for even asking for a chance to explain. She wants to take her into her arms and hold her until she stops crying. She wants nothing more then to run away from this place and never look back. She holds her up her hand when the blonde starts to talk again. She walks into the living room and pulls her cell phone out of her duffle bag.

When she turns around she sees that Buffy has walked into her living room, and the door is closed. She really didn't want that to happen. She just wants Buffy to go away she can work on numbing these feelings of hurt, but obviously that isn't going to happen. She focuses her attention on the little phone in her hand, and she pulls up her most recent text message. She skims the words almost against her will, and it does nothing but piss her off even more. When she feels like she's about to start yelling she tosses the phone to the blonde who catches it with one hand. She watches as Buffy reads it, and she waits for her to finish.

"Go ahead explain it to me," she says, and she isn't surprised when all Buffy does is stand there. She doesn't take her angry eyes off of the blonde as she continues to cry. She isn't sobbing, but the tears are cascading down her cheeks non-stop, and it's breaking Faith's heart just as much as it's fueling her rage. "Did you just fuckin forget about everything? What happened to all of the stuff we talked about? What happened to everything that I wanted?" Buffy shakes her head, and wipes the tears from her face.

"Faith, those were just dreams. They weren't-"

"Like hell they were!" Faith screams, and punches the wall as hard as she can. Her hand goes through it, and she feels a stinging sensation in her knuckles. She pulls her fist out of the wall, but she doesn't calm down. She doesn't even feel a little better. "The dreams we shared weren't just dreams, you fucking bitch. We were both there. We meant every damn thing that we said, and you fuckin know it. I meant _everything_." She puts an extra emphasis on that word and Buffy looks very shocked. She wants to grab Buffy by the throat and punch her until that look goes away. The dream they both know she's talking about comes crashing into her mind, and she can't ignore it.

Faith stuck to her promise, and the next day she went out and bought a notebook and some pens. She had a feeling it was going to be a long letter. She sat down on the bed in her motel room and fifteen pages later she was done. It was a little shorter then she thought it was going to be but she didn't want to tell Buffy everything in one go. She knew Buffy's address by heart. Angel has given it to her and told her she should keep in touch with them. She had spent two hours memorizing it just in case she ever lost the slip of paper it was written on.

She wrote one letter every week in the next two months. She never put a return address because every week she was in a new city. She did give the blonde her cell number and said a call would cost too much so just leave a text instead. She was lying of course. She only had a prepaid phone since there wasn't a place to send a bill. She didn't want to admit it but she knew it was because she was too afraid to talk to Buffy 'in real life'. In two months they had shared seven other dreams. The last one in particular stuck out the most.

Faith had spent all night partying because she felt like she deserved it. She kept the fun at the club, however. She hadn't brought a person back with her since the second dream. She couldn't stand seeing the sad look on Buffy's face, and it would probably kill her if she ever saw it in real life. All of this meant she hadn't had sex with anyone but herself in two months. Masturbating kept her sane, for the most part, but it wasn't what she craved after a good slay and a couple of shots. She went to bed feeling happy though, and that happiness stayed with her when she 'woke up' in another slayer dream.

This time she found Buffy sitting on a bench staring straight ahead. She had a cute little smirk on her pretty face and seeing her so relaxed only made Faith happier. She sat down next to the blonde and smiled at the sight of the bottle nose dolphins swimming and playing in their huge aquarium. She caught Buffy's eyes and that little smirk on her face got a little bigger.

"Well you look happy," she said and held onto one of Faith's hands. They had gotten very comfortable with each other, and if anyone else were ever in these dreams they would probably think the two were dating. Faith scooted over until their thighs were touching. She liked being as close to Buffy as possible, and the other woman always allowed it.

"I am happy," she said and looked at the dolphins again. Ever since she saw the movie 'Free Willy' she always felt bad for the marine animals kept at zoos or theme parks. But these were ok because this was only a dream. "I saved a baby and his mom tonight from five vamps so I'm very happy." She looked back at the blonde, and she had a very big smile on her face like she was proud of Faith for what she did. "It always feels good savin kids." Buffy nodded her head in agreement.

"Yeah it does. But it hurts just a little more when it's a kid that dies." Faith nods her head and her smile goes away. She'd been having a lot of strange thoughts about Buffy over the last month or so. Some nights she would just stare at the ceiling and think about what life would be like if she and Buffy ever got together. "What are you thinking about?" She laid her head on Faith's shoulder and watched the dolphins.

"Do you want kids?" she asks in a very unsure tone. She felt the blonde tense up instantly. "I mean, not now obviously 'cause of all the shit you got goin on, but when you think about the future do you picture yourself havin kids?" The way she viewed it was if she was going to ask Buffy to come live with her in the states then she was going to go all out, and eventually that would include a rugrat or two. She waited patiently for Buffy to answer the question. No matter how long it took the other slayer to answer Faith never got impatient.

"I don't know, maybe," she said in a little whisper. "If I meet the right person and we love each other, and they want kids then maybe. I would retire first if I decided to have any. I don't think I could be a slayer and a mom at the same time." They were quiet for a few minutes and the only sounds in the room were the dolphins. "Do you want kids?" Faith smiled a little bit because she already knew the answer a long time ago.

"Yeah, someday. I'm mostly Irish so it's gotta be a big family. Like four or five of 'em." She frowned a little bit when she heard the blonde laugh. She could tell she was trying to hold it back. "What, you don't think I'd make a good mom?" She sounded hurt, and that shut Buffy up really quick. She lifted her head from Faith's shoulder and looked into her brown eyes. Even thought she wasn't laughing she still had a big smile on her face.

"That's not it. Just the image of five little kids that look like you, wearing leather pants, and talking with a Boston accent was too much." Faith couldn't help but chuckle at that. It definitely was a funny picture. Buffy's smile got a little bigger and Faith couldn't force herself to stop grinning like an idiot. "They'd come home from the bus stop and you'd ask 'how was your day at school?' And they'd say 'five by five ma'." That did it. Buffy trying to talk with a Boston accent made Faith laugh so hard if she had been drinking anything it would've gone out her nose.

"You're too damn much, B, that's for damn sure," she said once she could breathe again, and had wiped the tears from her eyes. "I haven't thought of any names yet. If someone's gonna be my kid they have to have a cool name." Buffy snorted a little and raised an eyebrow.

"So nothing like Charity, or Hope, or Chastity?" Faith shook her head no and Buffy turned thoughtful. Faith watched her and couldn't help but notice how beautiful she looked with the water casting reflections across her face. "What about David?" Now it was Faith's turn to snort.

"Fuck no." She tried not to smile at the very cute confused look Buffy got on her face.

"Why not?"

"Because David Spade hasn't been funny since Chris Farley died."

"You're joking, right?"

"Nope," Faith said and decided to mess with Buffy a little. "He's sucked ass in everything he's been in since the big guy went down." The blonde glared at her but didn't do anything else, which surprised Faith a little. "What do you think of the name Piper?"

"Why? Are you going to have three more and name them Prue, Phoebe, and Paige?" She laughed a little bit but Faith didn't think it was funny.

"Seriously, what do you think of it?" she asked in a serious and somewhat nervous tone. She watched as Buffy's eyebrows furrowed a little, and her confusion was obvious.

"It's your hypothetical kid, why does my opinion matter?" Faith noticed that Buffy sounded a little defensive, and she forced herself not to smile. It was very clear to her: Buffy was jealous of the hypothetical father.

"Because you matter to me." The look in her eyes became very serious as she thought about some of the things she'd been thinking about Buffy since that first dream. She made a decision there on that bench with the dolphins watching her as if they knew what she was thinking.

"Wow, um, well for a girl I think it's a little weird, but I can't really judge that since Buffy isn't exactly a traditional name like Susan, or Mary, or Katie. I think as long as you have a normal middle name that the kid can go by if they want to then Piper is a good name." Faith turned so she was facing Buffy, and she held onto both of her hands. "Why do you look like you're going to throw up? Did you have some bad sushi? Because the other day I had some that definitely wasn't fresh and I puked for hours."

"I'm about to spill my guts, but not like that." She watched Buffy take in a deep breath, and she felt nervous enough that maybe she was going to be sick. "I wanna know your opinion, B, because I really think I could be that someone you settle down with, and I'm sure if Red can make every potential in the whole world the real deal then she can do something so we can have those four or five kids together." Faith sat and waited but this time she didn't stay as patient. "B, this is the part where you say something. Hopefully something like 'take me now, Faith'."

"I…I don't know what to say." Faith's heart felt like it was beating so fast it would implode if it didn't calm down. "You're serious, you want to be together like getting married, and living together, and arguing over who takes out the trash, and who has to sleep in the wet spot?" Faith would've laughed if the situation hasn't been so serious.

"Yes Buffy." Use of the full name meant she was being very serious. "But we'll buy a big bed so both of us can have a dry sleep 'cause I can't sleep in the wet spot and I know you won't sleep in it every time." The hilarity of the conversation was lost on them, and the only ones laughing were the dolphins. "Come on, Buffy, what do you say?" And just like the powers were fucking with her the dream ended before Buffy could respond.

Faith was so pissed she sent the end table flying against the wall and it smashed to pieces. Fifteen minutes later there was a text message on her phone from Buffy and all it said was 'let me think about it'. That was the last she heard from Buffy for an entire month. She still wrote her letters every week, and she prayed before she went to bed that she'd have another slayer dream. But here prayers were never answered.

Then one day about two weeks ago she got another text from Buffy and all it said was 'you're going to be so fat'. Faith had no idea what to think. That could've been Buffy's weird way of saying yes. Having four or five kids would probably make a person fat, but she wasn't sure what the other woman was talking about. She could've accidentally texted her instead of the intended person for all Faith knew.

There was only one real way to figure out what Buffy was thinking, and that was going to Scotland herself. But tickets cost money, and that was one thing she didn't have a lot of. And even if she did have the money she didn't know exactly where Buffy lived. It seemed completely hopeless, until she remembered Angel had taken over Wolfram and Heart. After a little bit of crying over the phone he agreed to wire her some money for a ticket, and some extra cash just in case she needed it. He also said he'd send a map explaining how to get to Buffy's from the airport. All she needed was a passport and she'd be in Scotland in no time.

"Don't you dare say those dreams don't mean anything, 'cause I meant every fucking word. I told you I wanna have your kids and you go off and fuck your little protégé. Did you think I wouldn't find out or something?" All Buffy does is stand there and Faith is so pissed off she thinks her hair is going to catch on fire. She takes in a shaky breath and asks the question she's afraid to have answered. "Do you love her?"

"No, I don't love her. It's not like that." When Buffy doesn't say anything else Faith decides to stop holding back on the insults.

"Then what's it like? She got all A's so she gets to fuck the teacher?" She sees the move coming, so when Buffy throws the cell phone at her she has just enough time to put up her hand to block it. It shatters and the plastic leaves little cuts on her palm. "Touched a nerve, huh? You sure it isn't love? Come on, B, explain it to me. You said you wanted to explain, but you haven't said shit. So tell me what the fuck is up with you."

"I don't know, alright?! I don't fucking know! I was confused, and she was saying all of these nice things to me, telling me how she loves me, and I told her I don't love her. I told her that, Faith, I really did." Faith doesn't believe her, and Buffy knows it. "I don't really know how it happened, but we ended up in bed together."

"Must've been some fuck if it's still on your mind." She smiles on the inside when Buffy physically reacts to those words. She cringes a little bit, and she gets a fiery look in her eyes. Faith knows Buffy is trying not to get mad, but Faith is prodding her into it. She's always been able to push the blonde's buttons.

"Like you have any fucking right to talk. How many people have you slept with since the dreams started? The first one was three and a half months ago, and I'll be generous and say it was only one person a week. So that's……sixteen people." Faith is very surprised to learn that when Buffy is pissed her mathematical skills go way up.

"That's where you're fuckin wrong, B. I haven't slept with anyone since that demon hunter guy." She watches as Buffy's entire body freezes, and she stops breathing. "That's right, I was saving myself for you. I wanted you to be the next person I slept with and then only you for the rest of my life. Do you get it now?" All of the anger vanishes from Buffy's body, and Faith can tell she's probably going to start crying again.

"Let's just talk about what happened last night." Faith shakes her head no, and starts to pace. There's too much negative energy in the room and it's making her restless. She doesn't know exactly what to do with it. Even though she's pissed enough to kill she'd never hurt the blonde, at least not physically anyway, and she's too proud to cry in front of her. Pacing seems like the only logical option.

"There's no point thinking about yesterday. It's too late. It won't ever be the same. You fucked it up, B. You got no one to blame but yourself." Buffy starts to cry just like Faith thought. Half of her wants to punch Buffy in the face and yell at her to shut up, that she's the one who caused this huge mess so she doesn't have the right to cry. The other half just wants to take her in her arms and comfort her. Against her will her mind starts replaying last night over again. It's like everyone is trying to torture her, even her own mind. Buffy's sobs fade out as Faith becomes wrapped up in the memory of what happened.

Faith had fallen asleep on the plane, but only because she had taken a shit load of vicodin to calm her nerves. She hated flying more then she hated the time Willow tried to explain the Dewy Decimal System. Anyone would've gone over to the dark side after an hour and a half of that. The drugs wore off halfway through the plane ride and Faith almost had a panic attack. She promised herself she would bring some GHB the next time she flew that way she wouldn't have to remember it.

She had convinced Angel to do better then just sending her a map, and there was a car with a drier waiting for her. The drive was in silence because faith had her mind on other things. Like what she was going to say to Buffy. She wasn't about to take anything back. She wanted to marry her, and live with her, and argue over who has to take out the trash, and eventually give birth to Kaycie, Angela, George, Tyler, and Luke. She wanted it all, and she was going to make it officially known instead of writing it in a letter.

When the driver pulled up next to the building she couldn't believe the size of the place. Buffy had told her it was big she just never thought it was this big. She didn't want to go wandering around by herself because she wanted to find Buffy right away. So she decided to have Buffy come to her. She whipped out her cell phone and texted 'five bucks says you can't guess where I am'. She waited about three minutes and when she finally got Buffy's response she laughed very loudly and the driver was so startled he hit his head on the top of the car.

'In a box, in a log, in a hole at the bottom of the sea?' is what the minuscule blonde one had written. Faith grew impatient with her own game and decided to give up. She replied with 'you owe me. I'm standing right outside your fortress'. Faith kept her eyes on the door and four minutes later Buffy, Dawn, Willow, Xander, Kennedy and four people she'd never met came barreling out like buck shot. Surprisingly Dawn reached her first and hugged her so hard she got bruises.

They took Faith inside and found an empty room for her to stay in. She was really hoping she wouldn't need it though. It's not like this was an international booty call, but after almost four months of getting to know her right hand very well she was looking forward to getting to know Buffy's. And Buffy's mouth. Hell, maybe even her toes if she knew how to work them right.

She was given a tour of the place and there were several little dark corners she wanted to pull Buffy to for some 'make out time' but Dawn insisted on following them around everywhere they went. Several hints were dropped that they wanted to be alone, but the teenager was either ignoring them or she really was that stupid. Faith was a little jet lagged from the ride and slightly hung over from the pills so she didn't put too much energy in trying to get the pest to go away. Her strategy for getting Buffy alone was to a yawn very large and loud yawn.

"Oh God, you're probably really tired," Buffy said and stopped walking. Faith and Dawn stopped too, and Dawn looked a little disappointed.

"Yeah, jet lag's a bitch. Now I know why I've never flown before." She tried not to smile when Buffy went into 'mom mode' but it was hard and the smirk escaped for about five seconds.

"Well we shouldn't be dragging you around every square inch of this place. You should be resting." Bingo. Her plan had worked like a charm.

"You think you can show me where my room is? I can't remember." That wasn't a complete lie. She knew the general area that her temporary bedroom was in. She just didn't know which room it was.

"I can show you," Dawn said and took a step towards her. "Buffy probably has a meeting to go to. And I think Satsu was looking for you, Buff." Buffy glared because she hated it when Dawn called her 'Buff'. "Buffy and Satsu have been joined at the hip lately." Faith couldn't help but notice the slightly guilty look that crossed Buffy's face.

"Thanks for the offer, Dawnie, but there's some things I need to talk to big sis about. Fought a nasty demon back in the states. Might be a problem."

"Then we should call a scooby meeting. Willow and I can start researching, and Xander can run get some doughnuts. It could be serious. There could be an apocalypse going on right now." Faith gave Buffy a little look and it let her know that there was no demon. Buffy decided to come to Faith's rescue.

"Dawn, Faith is tired, she needs to get some sleep. If she thought the demon was that big of a threat she would've had us go to her. After she gets some sleep we'll have dinner together and you can talk her ears off." Before Dawn could protest anymore Buffy took Faith by the hand and lead her up to her bedroom. The closer they got to the room the tenser Buffy became. Faith could feel her nervousness rolling off her in waves.

"I never would've found this place. You got some kind of GPS I don't know about?" she asked as she closed the door. She watched Buffy lean against the dresser, and she looked a little uncomfortable.

"You just get used to it. After a while it doesn't seem so big." Silence fell over them, and things got very awkward. Faith was watching Buffy, waiting for some kind of signal, and Buffy was looking at everything but Faith. After what felt like hours she let out a loud sigh.

"So this is weird," she said and Buffy chuckled a little. "Things weren't like this before. What happened?" Buffy shrugged and Faith sat down on the foot of the bed.

"I don't know." As soon as she said it she chuckled to herself. "That's a lie. I guess I kind of do." She finally met Faith's eyes, and the brunette was surprised by the look of fear in those hazel orbs. "You show up without any warning. I don't know exactly what you want and it's freaking me out a little."

"Least you're bein honest about it. That's a step in the right direction." Her attempt for a little levity worked and Buffy calmed down. Since she was tired and had a headache she decided to skip 'the talk' for now. "What I want right is a little sleep, but I don't want you to go yet." She figured since Buffy was honest with her she might as well be honest back.

"I could…lay down with you…if you want." Faith had to force herself not to smile. Buffy looked really cute right now, all shy and a little nervous. She didn't want to seem like she was making fun of the other slayer so she kept the giggles to herself.

"Yeah, I'd like that." They crawled onto the bed but stayed above the covers. Once they were lying down they became a lot more relaxed. Faith couldn't help but laugh a little bit. "Maybe this is another dream and we just don't know it." She heard Buffy laugh too but she couldn't force her eyes to open.

"Doubt it. Whenever we're in bed together in a dream we're always in nothing but our underwear. I think we're both huge pervs subconsciously and in our dreams that comes out." Faith smiled and tried not to moan like a freak when Buffy cuddled up to her.

"Nah, I think the powers are just hopin to see some hot girl on girl action." She smiled a little more when she felt the light smack on her thigh. "Hey, we're two hot chicks with super powers, who wouldn't wanna see that?" If Buffy replied she didn't hear it because she fell asleep. The last thing she was aware of as she nodded off was the smell of Buffy's sweet perfume.

When she woke up a couple of hours later she was very confused at first. The first thought was 'awesome, another slayer dream', but she knew it wasn't. She was never groggy or had a wedgie in the dreams. When she caught a whiff of Buffy's scent it all came rushing back, and she couldn't help but smile. She slowly opened her eyes, and the room was pitch black. That didn't bother her though. She was a slayer. They were made for being in the dark.

"Hey," she heard Buffy whisper. It startled her and she jumped a little. She heard Buffy's angelic laughter and she instantly calmed down. "You snore a little when you sleep. Not in a loud, annoying way, but a kind of cute way."

"You were hearing things 'cause I don't snore." Now that her eyes had adjusted she could make out Buffy's silhouette, and now that she was a little more awake she was very aware of just how close the other woman was to her. "I don't think you should be layin that close to me. I'm not really awake yet I don't have any self control."

"Oh?" Buffy asked in an all too innocent voice. Faith knew something was coming, but she didn't know what. Suddenly this whole 'not being able to see' thing sucked ass. She tried to stay relaxed when she felt the bed shift, but the suspense was killing her. "I don't think I have to be worried." Faith could feel Buffy's soft breath against her face. It was comforting, like a gentle caress. "You can't exactly rape the willing." For a second or two Faith felt like she was in suspended animation. She couldn't believe what Buffy just said. Even though she'd been waiting for this moment forever she still couldn't believe it.

"You serious, B? You're not playin some kind of weird joke or nothin?" Faith usually isn't the kind of person who needs to be told twice, but there was nothing usual about this situation.

"I'm not joking Faith. I never joke about this kind of stuff." The hairs on the back of Faith's neck stood up when she felt Buffy's roaming hand touch her thigh. This isn't how Faith wanted it to go. She wanted to talk to Buffy first to make sure that weird text message was her way of saying yes to them being a couple, and then make with the sweet passionate lesbian sex. But it had been almost four months, and Buffy was doing more then saying yes, she was guiding Faith's had to her breast.

"If you're sure, B," she said and teased Buffy's hard nipple through her shirt. She brought her other hand up to Buffy's face, and gently caressed her. She softly ran her thumb along Buffy's lips. She then very slowly leaned closer. She was using her thumb as a guide since it was so dark, and she didn't want to miss. When their lips first met neither of them moved. They laid there, frozen, and a little in denial about what was happening. But then Buffy started to gently move her lips and it was like a spark ignited in Faith.

She rolled over on top of the blonde, and kissed her deeply. The feeling of it sent a shot of pleasure down Faith's spine and the tips of her toes started to tingle. It wasn't so much that it was one of the most amazing kisses she'd ever been a part of. It was who she was kissing. This was Buffy Summers, the woman she'd been pining for since they met that night at the Bronze. It was Buffy doing that incredible thing with her tongue, and making that sweet little noise that Faith couldn't quite describe.

She sat up and took off her shirt. She thought about turning on a light, but she could always do that later. Besides, she kind of liked this whole 'doing it in the dark' thing. It added an element of surprise that she liked. After her shirt was thrown to the floor she took off her bra. Clothes were becoming annoying and she wanted them all off.

"Sit up, B," she whispered and smiled a little when Buffy didn't hesitate. She kissed her very gently, and pressed her breasts against Buffy's chest. She let out a little growl when she touched the cotton material instead of warm flesh like she wanted. "Lift your arms up." She slowly pulled off the other woman's top, and quickly got rid of the bra as well. She had no idea where the clothing landed but she didn't care. She reached back and pulled off their shoes, and dropped them to the floor. She wanted to get that out of the way before it became a hassle.

This time it was Buffy who kissed her. It almost felt like the tiny blonde was trying to devour her. Faith gave everything that she could. She allowed herself to be held, and to for once in her life be the submissive one instead of trying to dominate the kiss. She let all of herself out there in that simple act, and Buffy took everything that was offered. She let Buffy set the pace, and when the other slayer laid back on the bed she didn't hesitate to follow.

As soon as they were lying down Faith broke the kiss. She started raining kisses down Buffy's throat, and stopped at her pulse point. She took the warm flesh into her mouth and gently sucked as if it were too delicate to use too much pressure. That little notion flew out the window when Buffy grabbed onto the back of Faith's head, and pressed her harder against her, and pulled her hair at the same time. The little bit of pain sent a little thrill down Faith's spine, and she added a little more force. She didn't focus on that one spot for long, and she was soon trailing kisses towards Buffy's breasts.

The sound of Buffy moaning as she takes one of her hard nipples into her mouth was Faith's favorite sound in the whole world. She pulled back and gently blew hot air onto the wanting nub. She smiled a little bit when Buffy wrapped her legs around Faith's waist, and started to gently rock against her. She slowly suckled Buffy's other nipple, and blew on it just like she had the other. Buffy's hips sped up, and ground into her just a little harder. She'd have to remember that for later because right now she had other places she wanted to be.

She stripped off the rest of her clothes, before she took off Buffy's hip hugging jeans. She was a little disappointed that she couldn't see what kind of underwear Buffy was wearing, but all of that would come later. She laid down on top of the blonde again, and they connected in all of the right spots. It was like their bodies were made for each other. The kiss this time was more animalistic then anything else. Faith took Buffy's tongue in her mouth and sucked on it almost violently. She bit down using nothing but her teeth and Buffy went wild. Her hips started bucking uncontrollably.

She let go of Buffy's tongue and before she had time to complain Faith quickly made her way down Buffy's body. She rested comfortably between her legs, and started kissing al over her thighs. Buffy's hands tangled in Faith's hair, and pulled at the dark brown locks. Faith moaned a little at the feeling, and gently blew a lazy breath against Buffy's needy center. She smiled when the blonde let out a loud groan, and pushed her face flush against her. Faith didn't hesitate. There was no need to tease anymore. Buffy wanted her, and wanted her bad if the amount of wetness could be a judge of that.

She stuck her tongue out and slowly felt around creating a mental image of the other woman's most intimate part. She used her thumbs to spread the swollen lips and she teased the dripping hole with the tip of her tongue. Buffy's hips bucked at the feeling, and Faith dipped her tongue into the hot cavity. Inside of Buffy felt amazing. Everything was molten hot, and her muscles contracted tightly around the intruding body part. Faith slowly bobbed her head, loving Buffy gently with her tongue. She brought her fingers up to Buffy's hard little clit, and she rolled it between her digits.

"Oh God, oh God," Buffy moaned and her hips tried to speed up the rhythm but Faith wouldn't budge. "Baby, don't stop." If her mouth hadn't been busy doing other things Faith would've said 'never in a million years'. She could tell that Buffy was getting close. The rhythm she had set was starting to speed up a little more, and Buffy grasped Faith's hair with a death lock. Faith started to mentally prepare herself for Buffy's oncoming orgasm because she knows first hand just how violent women can be when they come. "Oh God, Satsu, don't stop." This time Faith didn't listen.

She grabbed onto Buffy's wrists and pulled them off of her as she sat up a little. Her entire body tensed up, and all she could do was stare up at Buffy. She couldn't see her face, but at the moment she didn't care. She replayed that sentence over and over in her mind. That named sounded so familiar. She knew she had heard it somewhere before. And then it hit her like a round house kick to the face. 'Buffy and Satsu have been joined at the hip lately,' she heard Dawn's sweet voice say. She remembered the little guilty look Buffy had gotten on her face after Dawn said it. She sat there thinking for what felt like hours, but in reality it was only ten seconds.

"What the fuck did you just call me?" she asked and sat up completely. She couldn't think straight with Buffy's pussy only inches from her face. Distance between them was definitely for the best.

"What are you talking about? I called you Faith, that's your name. Why did you stop? I'm so close, baby." Buffy sounded like she was in pain, but Faith couldn't force herself to care. She got up from the bed and walked over to the bed table, and turned on the lamp. The room was filled with a soft light that assaulted their eyes, but Faith didn't flinch.

"No you didn't. You said 'oh God, Satsu, don't stop." She watched as Buffy's face got a horrified expression on it, and she remained silent. "Was that not…am I not good enough for you?" She tried to stay pissed but it failed. Her voice cracked and tears sprang to her eyes at just the thought.

"No, Faith, that's not it at all. That was good, baby, you were good." Faith's anger came back with a vengeance at the little word.

"Don't call me baby!" she yelled and looked Buffy dead in the eyes. "Why did you call me that? If that was so good for you then why were you thinkin about someone else?" Buffy sat up and reached out for Faith's hand, but she stepped away.

"I wasn't thinking about her. I guess you just sort of…remind me of her. But only a little bit. You wear the same lip gloss, and you do…some things kind of the same." Buffy's face turned beat red when she said that and Faith was floored. She always thought Buffy was a little bi-curious, but she never thought she'd act on it. At least not with anyone but her.

"How long ago did you fuck her?" she asked and her voice cracked again. The thought of Buffy with anyone else made her want to cry, and scream, and break stuff. Buffy shook her head and Faith wanted to punch the wall. "It's fuckin obvious you two fucked, so don't deny it. When did it happen?!" She couldn't stop herself from yelling, and Buffy shrank back a little at her venomous tone.

"Last week. About six days ago," she said in a tone that was barely above a whisper. Faith felt like all of the air had been taken out of the room. Six days ago. Buffy had sex with someone else six days ago. That meant Buffy had sex with someone other then Faith eight days after she had sent that somewhat cryptic message. "It doesn't mean we can't…it's not like we're a couple, Faith. It's not like I cheated."

"Get the fuck out." When Buffy didn't move Faith walked over to the bed and grabbed her by the arms. She lifted her off the bed and shoved her towards the door. "Get the fuck out. I don't want you in here anymore." Buffy tried to explain but her words fell on deaf ears.

"Faith just listen, ok? You don't understand what happened." Faith tuned her out as she gathered up all of Buffy's clothes. "It was just the heat of the moment. It didn't mean anything. You mean something, Faith." Faith had wanted Buffy to say those words for as long as she could remember, but her stomach churned when she heard them.

"Yeah, I matter so fuckin much that you jump into bed with the first person who offers. Is that it?" She didn't want an answer, and she didn't give the desperate slayer a chance to do so. She threw the door open and tossed out all of Buffy's things out into the hall. One unlucky passerby was hit in the side of the head with a shoe, but her cry of pain went unnoticed.

"Faith please, don't do this. We need to talk about this now. If I leave now we won't stand a chance. If you kick me out now we won't ever been what we could be someday. Please don't do this." The pleas were ignored and Buffy was shoved out the door and onto her ass. Faith slammed the door and put all of her clothes back on. She couldn't stay here, not with Buffy being here at the same time.

So she called Angel, and she forced herself not to cry as she asked for his help. He agreed to rent her a hotel room as soon as possible and he didn't need much convincing. The hurt and angry tone told him something horrible had happened, but he knew better then to ask. After she hung up the phone with Angel she called the driver and asked him to pick her up. She was a little pissed when he said he would take half an hour to get there.

She waited in that little bedroom for the driver and it felt like it took weeks for Buffy to finally go away. Either no one else was out there or she had dressed right there in the hall because the entire time Faith was on the phone Buffy was at the door yelling things like 'no, please don't leave me!'

The hotel she was taken to was ok at best. They were really more like tiny apartments then they were hotel rooms since every one had a small kitchen and tiny living room. It had a bed to sleep on, and that's all that mattered to Faith. The first thing she did was go out to the corner store and bought a lot of beer. She didn't bother with food. She couldn't have kept anything down even if she tried. She stayed in that little hotel room for an entire day, and did nothing but smoke, drink, and cry. It was all Buffy's fault she felt like she wanted to die.

Faith watches Buffy cry, and she feels empty inside. She thought seeing the other woman in just as much pain as she's in would make her feel better. But it doesn't. She doesn't want Buffy to hurt, and it's pissing her off. 'Guess that's how love works. You don't want 'em to hurt even when they fuck you over,' she thinks and sits down on the couch. She watches as Buffy sits down next to her, but she keeps her distance, and Faith's glad that she does.

Faith watches the clock and times how long it takes for Buffy's sobs to go away. For forty-seven minutes she sits there and listens while her heart feels like it's being ripped out. She finally gives in to the unbearable need to comfort the small blonde, but not by much. She reaches over and places a hand on the other woman's knee. Buffy holds onto it as if it were a life preserver. Faith doesn't pull away at Buffy's touch. She just sits and watches with sad eyes as the woman she loves breaks down. She wasn't trying to be mean earlier when she said it's too late. It really is over for her, and she's so fucking sad about it.

"That text message," she says in a soft voice when Buffy finally stops crying. "Was that your way of sayin yes? Were you sayin I was gonna be fat from havin those hypothetical kids?" Her heart feels like it was put it in a vise and squeezed to death when Buffy nods her head yes. She fights back the tears, and slowly pulls her hand away and rests it in her lap. "Then why did you sleep with someone else?"

"I don't know…I…." She sniffles, and wipes her face on the sleeve of her sweatshirt. "After I sent that text message I panicked. I didn't know how serious you were. I thought that maybe it wasn't a shared dream after all, and I had made up the whole thing in my mind. And Satsu and I have grown really close since we started this place. We get along really well, and…I don't know. I just got caught up in everything. I know it's not what you wanna hear but it's the truth." Faith nods her head in agreement. She doesn't want to hear all of this. "Do you think we can still…?" She lets the sentence trail off because Faith knows exactly what she's talking about.

"Don't ask me that right now." She lets out a very frustrated sigh, and rubs her forehead, trying to will the headache away. "I'm too pissed off, and if I answer now it'll be no." Buffy tries to say something but Faith interrupts her. "Just don't, ok? I really don't wanna hear your voice right now." She stands up from the couch and walks towards the door. She holds it open, and looks over at the blonde. "You should go. I'm tired. I wanna get some sleep. I'll stop by tomorrow, alright?" She watches as Buffy slowly gets up, and walks towards her. She tenses up a little bit because she isn't sure exactly what Buffy is going to do. She hates feeling so unsure around the other woman.

"Sorry about your phone," she says and glances down at Faith's hand. The cuts are already starting to heal. "And everything else." She keeps her eyes down as she walks passed Faith and out the door. Faith watches her until she's out of sight. She slowly closes the door and inhales deeply. She can still smell Buffy's perfume, and it's very calming. She thought she'd hate everything about the blonde, but she doesn't. In all honesty she wants Buffy to come back, but she has way too much pride to call her back now.

She walks into the bedroom and plops down on the bed. She has so many thoughts running through her mind right now it's making her head spin. She just doesn't know what she should do. Buffy pissed her off enough tonight she feels like she could kill someone. Today she hoped the next time she saw Buffy she'd hate her enough to not care about her anymore. But hearing her cry was so hearting breaking. She sighs and turns out the light, hoping maybe if she gets some sleep she'll be able to think clearly tomorrow. The lamp isn't off for more then ten minute when she feels the warm tingle at the back of her neck. That only means one thing: Buffy's close.

There's a small knock on the door, and she sighs very loudly. She doesn't want to talk to Buffy right now, that's why she sent her away. After a couple of minutes of complete silence there's another small knock. Faith ignores it, and will's Buffy to go away. 'Fuckin will power ain't worth shit,' she thinks as the door slowly opens. 'Shoulda had Red slayer proof that lock. Fuckin bitch, they're gonna charge me for that.' She doesn't move, but she listens as if her life depends on it, as Buffy slowly shuts the door, and walks towards her bed.

Faith completely tenses up when Buffy sits down next to her. She's playing possum and pretending to be asleep on the off chance that Buffy is like a T-Rex and if Faith doesn't move then Buffy will eventually go away. She doesn't however, and Faith wants to punch herself in the face for thinking it would be any different. Buffy always has to come back for one last insult, one last punch to the face, or knife to the gut. All of her nerves are on edge as she just lays here and listens to Buffy's deep breathing. She doesn't move a muscle when she feels some of her hair being gently pulled away from her face.

"I know you're awake, and it's ok. You don't have to say anything," Buffy says in a gentle voice. Faith's eyebrows furrow a little. She doesn't understand why Buffy isn't pissed off and trying to break her down like she always does when she wants to regain the high ground. "I know you're probably never going to talk to me again, and I guess I deserve it. But there's something I need you to know before you leave because if I don't tell you while I have the chance I don't think I could live with myself." She tenses up even more when she feels something warm and wet splash onto her face. It takes her a second to realize it's a tear. "I love you, Faith."

Faith's heart feels like it stopped beating. She can't breathe and everything she's been thinking about since the night before has been blown out the fucking window. Her eyes fly open and she stares at the other woman sitting above her, looking down at her with an expression of sadness and regret on her face. She suddenly has no idea what to do. Before was easier, she was going to go move on and forget all about Buffy, but now thing are different. Buffy finally said the words she's always wanted to hear.

She grabs onto Buffy's arms and pulls down her on top of her. She wraps her arms around the petite blonde and squeezes her in a very large hug. Faith can't help but smile as Buffy buries her head in the brunette's shoulder and lets out a little sob. She isn't sure if she's crying out of sadness or happiness, but if it's the first then she's will to do anything to make that feeling go away. They lay there together for a few minutes in a comfortable silence. Faith revels in the smell of Buffy's shampoo, perfume, and the unique 'Buffy smell'. She could feel Buffy physically relax into the hug, and she was having a little trouble breathing despite the fact the blonde weighs about the size of a malnourished Chihuahua. She slowly sits up and looks into Faith's eyes.

"I mean it, Faith, I'm so sorry for what happened. Can you forgive me?" she asks in a watery voice. Faith takes a minute to think about the question, and lets out a little sigh. She already knew the answer, and she doesn't like it very much.

"No," she says and Buffy's face drops. All of the hope in those hazel eyes is blown away with that one little word. "At least not now. It's gonna take some time. I've never felt like this about anyone before and you fucked up big time, B. It' gonna take a while before I can forgive you." She watches Buffy nod her head, and the blonde is smiling a little bit. The sight of it makes Faith smile too. "Alright, princess, take off your shoes before you get under the covers. And try not to kick me in your sleep." They both chuckle at that little comment, and Buffy rolls her eyes. As she crawls under the covers and wraps Faith up in her arms, after taking off her shoes of course, Faith can't help but feel like she's finally found a place to call home.


End file.
